Dear Annie: Why am I a magnet for assholes and only attract scruffy men?

Dear Annie: I have been cheated on in several relationships. I didn’t experience many romances in high school and decided to officially date when I entered college. But my first ever relationship was absolutely toxic and my ex was a flirt. I finally broke up with him.

My most recent relationship was even worse. We argued and he ghosted me. Then he decided to go out with a family friend who was a minor and he was an adult. I’m afraid of attracting only scruffy men. I’m afraid of doing too much or not doing enough to win over good guys.

I recently finally found the courage to talk to one of the people I like. He’s the first guy I’ve fallen so deeply in love with since my last relationship, but I’m afraid he’ll be like the others. What should I do? Or what am I doing wrong to keep attracting these two-faced scruffy men? Thank you. — Am I an idiot magnet?

Dear Jerk Magnet: It’s certainly not your fault if your past partners treated you badly. What’s in your control is deciding what you will and won’t tolerate in your next relationship and respecting your boundaries once you’ve established them. Infidelity and ghosting, as you’ve already said, are both painful and absolutely non-negotiable. If you see these warning signs in a future romantic partner, run, don’t walk, walk away from them. You deserve so much better than that kind of treatment.

As for your new crush, try not to project past hurts and fears onto him. Take things slowly and enjoy getting to know each other, building a solid foundation for a potential relationship.

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